Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Randomize
