The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize