Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
