DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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