they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
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I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
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I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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