I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
