He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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