I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
