In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
