as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
3 2 1 whiskey
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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