i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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