you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
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I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
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She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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