A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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