I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
