Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
