Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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