the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
