someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
