Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
