You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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