at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
