NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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