Your mouth is God's brothel.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
