words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
