Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
