I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My liver just had a heart attack.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
