I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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