dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
