i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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