I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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