You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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