she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
