My cat gives me a boner
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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