NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
