i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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