We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
