Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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