Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
