so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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