I like my sex mixed with concussions.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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