Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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