could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
