my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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