im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
my poor anus
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
