At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
