Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
