I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
