Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
