So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
