I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
