Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i think my tv is drunk
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
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he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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