Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
