She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
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There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
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Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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