Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
