I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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