I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
