You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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