I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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