You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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