i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
