Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
