i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
