i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You are the jesus of drinking
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
