I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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