omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
