I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
