Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
