Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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