Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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