Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
