She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
