i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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