i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize