This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
