Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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