i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
