How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
