How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
there is glitter all over my balls
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