Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
