This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
