sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
