if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
