he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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