I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
