I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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