Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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