Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
